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Wonderful site with lots of Nerd Approved Geekdom! Everything from Kid Sized Darloks to the Hammer of Thor to Leggo Capt. Sparrow.
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Thanks to Christy for these!
Puns for Educated Minds The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.' I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.' The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. A backward poet writes inverse. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine . A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.' Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!' Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.' Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. There was the person who sent 10 puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. I've said it before, it frustrates me to no end how uneducated we Americans are about our Founding Fathers. Should government introduce socialized medicine? John Adams thought so. Follow the link for the full story here
Ignorance of the Founding Fathers is one of my pet peeves John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets", and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result... The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well. Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention. This site represents the height of Michigan culture! Warning, some profanity.
Not So Pure Michigan There are moments where I am proud that there are a few voices of reason left to remind us of what it is supposed to mean to be an American.
A friend at work shared this and it was too good to not share with you!
Today, the Lions released Daniel Bullocks, the last player remaining from a 5-year stretch of drafts. That's 0-for-40. Here's what became of them all, and I warn you, it's not pretty. I'm not going to name names (to protect those involved), but see if you can match up the fates of those 40 picks with this draft history: 2002: •Spent 4 solid seasons with Detroit. Traded for a 5th round pick. Hasn't played since 2007. •Out of the league. •Currently thriving in Denver. •Never played an NFL down. •Caught 5 passes in his 3 years with the Lions. •Out of the league. •Never played a down. •Out of the league. •Played one game in 3 years. 2003: •Legal troubles, character issues, washed out of the league in 2005. •Had a few good years in Detroit, now out of the league. •Started every game for four straight seasons. Then went to a good team, and doesn't start anymore. •Out of the league. •Out of the league. •In the CFL. •In the UFL. •Out of the league. •Cut by a CFL team. •Never made a team. •Never made a team. 2004: •Consistently underachieved. Now consistently underachieves in Dallas. •Had great rookie year. Never equaled it. •Had excellent rookie year. Never started again. Reigning UFL champion. •Started 5 games in 5 years with Lions. •Out of the league. •Played in Arena Football, CFL. 2005: •Spent 2 years with Lions. Traded as part of a package for a 4th round pick. •Spent 4 "meh" seasons with Lions. Left as a free agent. •Out of football. •Is Dan Orlovsky. •Managed to play 8 career games without recording a tackle. •Died in a motorcycle accident. 2006 •Had a good stint. Traded. •Injury-plagued. Released. •In the CFL. •Solid few years, after the Lions cut him. •Never played a down. •In the UFL. •Out of the league. From five consecutive drafts, I count only two unqualified successes: Andre' Goodman and Ernie Sims. And of course, neither is plying their trade in Detroit anymore. Just remember this list next time Matt Millen appears on your television, getting paid to analyze football. |
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